Being frames from the Sunday Comics without images by James Sherry
- The Noodle with a Knife in It
And the neck flies
Quick, get the magic marker
What’s the surprise?
Your mother tried to call
So I hung up
They’re boring, they’re loud, they’re annoying
And they can’t take a hint
Someone should notify the Audubon Society
About me and my big mouth
Hey, it’s heckling on Sunday
I miss my capacity for outrage
One of us is a cheap, lying, unscrupulous weasel
As I’ve said before,
Never take a shortcut through a miniature golf course
Please come again after I’m dead
Time sure crawls when you’re waiting for the pizza delivery guy
You weren’t saving those, were you?
You’d probably need ‘em later to kick yourself with
Or I could gently tap each one on the shoulder. Naah
Yee-ha. I won five front-row tickets to comptroller mud wrestling
It’s our most popular exercise machine—
A TV without a remote control
Take me back to my childhood and leave me there
First letter, second letter, first letter, third letter, third letter, second letter
Dogs can do a lot of things birds can’t do
I need the number for Doctor Kevorkian
Look at you, you lazy lump
Gentlemen, start your forks
If a little lamb is a lambkin, what is a little sleep?
He had two hours in the pool
And now he’s wrinkled
Tom? Who’s Tom? I’m Ernie, Ernie Neidermeyer
Lord, why did you have to make me so hateful
That sounds like our old cuckoo clock up in the attic
I wonder if I’m too old to emigrate?
I paid her a commission to leave the store
OK, Otis, look cute.
- The Reason Wile E. Coyote Hated Hospitals
You can tell a person by the sound of their walk
You’re a lot of fun, plus, you can’t talk
This is deep background
He’s sleeping as fast as he can
See, these are magic fingers
There are free goodies in the broken room
I’m never taking you through the car wash again
He’s blowing on a little flame to get the sticks going
Yeah, I hardly recognize myself without a bow tie
Who is that guy anyway? Just get rid of him
Is it my fault parsley doesn’t grow wild in this neighborhood?
The phrase “show no mercy” is understood by all
Dad says you like bugles because you’re always tooting your own horn
I need to head-bang while I’m geeking, so I hope you’re cool with that
They’re totally non-violent, educational, earth-friendly, unisex and designed to promote cooperative play.
Commercialization is the cornerstone of our society
Do turtles have souls?
We can make photocopier ink last longer by adding water to it
You’re right he won’t fetch
What’s wrong with dog lips
How about raw numbers?
I count 13 steps leading up to the scaffold
Well, I could have dried up like a prune
No, the dress doesn’t make you look fat
I suppose you’re going to hold me to that promise
They have feelings, too
The catapults soon resumed their volley
Why don’t we stay in here for while
I’ll have the chameleon
No, no! The tough get going this way
Someone has to be a policeman to insure altruism
Keep it short, keep it feasible, keep it simple
A million-dollar wish doesn’t go as far as it used to
We’re not playing a game; we’re producing a big budget event
An’ Dad didn’t have to use any bait.
- Poppa Loved Momma
Momma Loved Men
Momma’s in the Graveyard
Poppa’s in the Pen
From now on we’ll nurture the passion of our rebellious employees
And form strategies around them.
Here we have some junk mail with your name on it
Quit jabbering and fire that sucker up
Wow, that is pathetic
I swallowed the toy whistle in my breakfast cereal
But can’t we strip bare their lies just on weekends?
The news is so depressing
My own kid despised me until I bought…
May I speak to the man of the house?
It’s hopeless, Mom
Probably a tire company or something.