Metaphor, part 2

Being frames from the Sunday Comics without images by James Sherry

  1. The Noodle with a Knife in It

And the neck flies

Quick, get the magic marker

What’s the surprise?

Your mother tried to call

So I hung up

They’re boring, they’re loud, they’re annoying

And they can’t take a hint

Someone should notify the Audubon Society

About me and my big mouth

Hey, it’s heckling on Sunday

I miss my capacity for outrage

One of us is a cheap, lying, unscrupulous weasel

As I’ve said before,

Never take a shortcut through a miniature golf course

Please come again after I’m dead

Time sure crawls when you’re waiting for the pizza delivery guy

You weren’t saving those, were you?

You’d probably need ‘em later to kick yourself with

Or I could gently tap each one on the shoulder. Naah

Yee-ha. I won five front-row tickets to comptroller mud wrestling

It’s our most popular exercise machine—

A TV without a remote control

Take me back to my childhood and leave me there

First letter, second letter, first letter, third letter, third letter, second letter

Dogs can do a lot of things birds can’t do

I need the number for Doctor Kevorkian

Look at you, you lazy lump

Gentlemen, start your forks

If a little lamb is a lambkin, what is a little sleep?

He had two hours in the pool

And now he’s wrinkled

Tom? Who’s Tom? I’m Ernie, Ernie Neidermeyer

Lord, why did you have to make me so hateful

That sounds like our old cuckoo clock up in the attic

I wonder if I’m too old to emigrate?

I paid her a commission to leave the store

OK, Otis, look cute.

  1. The Reason Wile E. Coyote Hated Hospitals

You can tell a person by the sound of their walk

You’re a lot of fun, plus, you can’t talk

This is deep background

He’s sleeping as fast as he can

See, these are magic fingers

There are free goodies in the broken room

I’m never taking you through the car wash again

He’s blowing on a little flame to get the sticks going

Yeah, I hardly recognize myself without a bow tie

Who is that guy anyway? Just get rid of him

Is it my fault parsley doesn’t grow wild in this neighborhood?

The phrase “show no mercy” is understood by all

Dad says you like bugles because you’re always tooting your own horn

I need to head-bang while I’m geeking, so I hope you’re cool with that

They’re totally non-violent, educational, earth-friendly, unisex and designed to promote cooperative play.

Commercialization is the cornerstone of our society

Do turtles have souls?

  1. Whew

We can make photocopier ink last longer by adding water to it

You’re right he won’t fetch

What’s wrong with dog lips

How about raw numbers?

I count 13 steps leading up to the scaffold

Well, I could have dried up like a prune

No, the dress doesn’t make you look fat

I suppose you’re going to hold me to that promise

They have feelings, too

The catapults soon resumed their volley

Why don’t we stay in here for while

I’ll have the chameleon

No, no! The tough get going this way

Someone has to be a policeman to insure altruism

Keep it short, keep it feasible, keep it simple

A million-dollar wish doesn’t go as far as it used to

We’re not playing a game; we’re producing a big budget event

An’ Dad didn’t have to use any bait.

  1. Poppa Loved Momma

Momma Loved Men

Momma’s in the Graveyard

Poppa’s in the Pen

From now on we’ll nurture the passion of our rebellious employees

And form strategies around them.

Here we have some junk mail with your name on it

Quit jabbering and fire that sucker up

Wow, that is pathetic

I swallowed the toy whistle in my breakfast cereal

But can’t we strip bare their lies just on weekends?

The news is so depressing

My own kid despised me until I bought…

May I speak to the man of the house?

Define “man”

It’s hopeless, Mom

Probably a tire company or something.

James Sherry

James Sherry is the author of numerous poetry books. His new book, Selfie: Poetry & Ecology, will be available next month.