Household Rules

by Kevin T. McEneaney

Thou shalt not permit dust bunnies larger than a basketball to accumulate in any room.

Thou shalt not stuff the refrigerator with moldy mushrooms or rotten, brown vegetables that look like dead leaves.

Thou shalt not play carpenter, electrician, or plumber if you are not a carpenter, electrician, or plumber.

Thou shalt not force children to watch television for more than eight consecutive hours a day.

Thou shalt not clutter your mantel or bookshelf with more than twenty chachkas.

Thou shalt not let the laundry pile so high that it can be smelled as soon as you walk into the room.

Thou shalt not be prejudiced against any member of the family, except yourself.

Thou shalt not dance naked in your apartment or house unless all windows are draped and doors are locked.

Thou shalt not accumulate so many boxes or gewgaw clutter that you cannot invite guests to your home.

Thou shalt turn thy household into a French film where there is no anger or regret, but only amusement, acceptance of others as they are, some sentimental tears, and many kisses.

The Guardian of the Rule